reality fades, hopes recharged

Sec 3 officially ends in 5 more days. This year had been overwhelming but breathtaking at the very same time :) Secondary 4 looms ahead. hahahaha. This week is full of stuff to do but i thank God tonight I got some stuff done :) HERE I STATE, I WILL SEND OFF THE SHANGHAI/TAIWAN PEOPLE. Okay I'm always saying this but I don't. I really really hope i can this time round. Airport :) :) :) heee. (SLC People loggies lets go send jo off heeeee. ) Adelaide in 18 days time, the itinenary had sparked interest in me once more :) This week had been full of realisations. I need to focus alot more and think a million times more on court. I need motivation once more. I need to learn how to give and take at times.

The thought of holidays are scaring me. But somehow I can't wait either. :)

I realise recently that reading blogs leaves me feeling empty and somehow sad but yet no matter how hard I try to stay away, once I start I can't seem to stop. I don't know why that sort of empty feeling surfaces when I read blogs but each time it does it leaves me wondering bout the past the present and the future. Pretty upsetting. pretty thought-filling.

liberation :) cloudy with a chance of meatballs was really cute but walking around didn't find the stuff we want ): 67bucks for river island shoees ): oh wells never mind! this is quite sad, "the shoes you want you can't afford, the shoes you can afford and like, there isn't size"HAHAH QUOTES wen, but its so true. We can get white and paint it red :) ahahhaa maybe tomorrow.

Thank God for this period of EOYS :) For now, let me focus on my next task on hand. Bless me with inspiration.

liberation @ 10am tomorrow :)
I haven't ran at all this weekend despite my many plans too. Shizz, tomorrow maybe I'll run home from school since there's this 3h break while waiting for wenting. Tomorrow river island bugis town and meatballs with the two of them :D I can't wait hurhur. Math is making me feel really tired. I feel like giving up now. i can't wait for logs outing :)

This alabaster jar
Is all i have of worth
I break it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
You're far more beautiful
More precious than the oil
The sum of my desires
And the fullness of my joy

Like you spilled Your blood,
I spill my heart as an offering
To my King

Here I am, Take me
As an offering
Here i am, giving every heartbeat
For Your flory take me
The time that I have left
Is all i have of worth
I lay it at Your feet, Lord
It's less than You deserve
And though I've little strength
And though my days are few,
You gave Your life for me
So, I will live my life for you

Worthy, Worthy
You are worthy
Worthy is the Lord
-Alabaster Jar, Christ for the Nations


This week had taught me how to surrender all my fears and all I have towards God. For nothing is impossible with God, for all glory and honour belongs to Him :) I have one more paper till liberation :) lets go people i can't wait for the food and the shopping and the fun and laughter after! Yesterday was a sneak previews of what life after eoys would be like. :) one hour at toys r us planning and relieving childhood, sitting randomly watching random stuff and making random comments. (but seriously we should eat less ha.ha.ha.) Thank God for friends like that where they make all things brighter and much more funny.

Quote of yesterday "I bought a bag at Hiroshima, it was boomz!" hahah wenting.


Sidenote, today is a very special day for someone thousands of miles away. I love you my best friend. Happy birthday :)

There's only one thing to do
Three words for you I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words and that's what I do, I love you

Haha that song is the sweetest song :) it made me smile and be happy today. Thank God for Wenting for the past two days :) Study buddy all the way. I'm not gonna fail I promise myself :) But at this point I know I've done all I could, I'm gonna let go and let God take control now.



happy birthday joy :)

Last Night, I fell asleep at 730pm. I think I'm still not being productive, this week's break seemed so bleak eoys seems as though it hasnt started/it ended. 4 more subjects only, 7 more papers. Come on.

Today I tried to run but I stumbled with the lack of faith and the tiredness and the pain. Tomorrow I will run like the wind.

Behind the shut eyes lies a hidden emotion that maybe you will never see. As the speedmeter increases from 0 to 90 to 100 till it hits 120, when sharp turns and abrupt stops make my heart ache more, as things flash past so fast when my heart beat increased, I put on my seatbelt for the first time in months, hoping it'll give me some protection. I promised myself on the car just now that I will never do that to someone I love, I promised myself and one day if I realise I break this promise I think I'll cry. I've came to realise over such short periods that this entire story and picture is something I hoped so much that it could support me, but yet the pain sets in because i realise that it supports me the least. Sometimes I wonder if you ever realise the reason behind us, the reason why we're always running away and not towards, sometimes I wonder if you would see that its not us but you. If only painkillers could kill all kind of pain.

This weekend had been filled with things that I see and realised. What happens one day if everyone is so perfect that everyone is afraid of showing their imperfections, what happens when one day all these imperfections become a non-erasable blotch in your life. What hapeens when everywhere you see is facades and masks of people, people that are so perfect, that make you feel so unworthy of yourself. What happens when you run and feel so tired so glad but yet feel such hate for yourself. What happens when you are somewhere that seems so big that you feel so small of yourself. What happens when you feel so tired but yet you can't sleep when you close your eyes. What happens when you need certain items to feel protected. What happens when dreams and reality seem worlds apart. What happens when you feel so reliant. What happens when singing a song could bring moist to your eyes. What happens when appetite ceases. What happens when pain never stops, when painkillers stop to work. What happens when you realise you strayed. What happens when you try so hard but yet be faulted and never appreciated. What happens when you realise you lose a spark somewhere. What happens when tears start coming so easily. What happens when so much doubts and questions fill your mind. What happens when you slam the car door against a wall and walkaway realising you don't care. What happens when you feel like running away. What happens when you realise you dont like the norm anymore.

what happens what happens so much questions so much faults.



When the music fades and all is striped away
and i simply come
Longing just to bring something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart

I'll bring more than a song for a song in itself
is not what You've required
You search much deeper within through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You, all about You Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for things I've made it
When it's all about you, all about you Jesus

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Thank God for the past three days :) papers didn't go superbly well, I think I took a couple of risks which teachers told us not to. Math was a scary experience, I don't want the feeling of worry and cold sweat, the feeling of knowing how to do it but feeling so unsure about yourself anymore. I pray hard I won't blank out during paper2 anymore, i know i can't afford too i hope i dont fail this paper.

Shanghai 6 weeks are leaving on Monday. What a lousy timing I'm sad I can't send them off. I think the school will feel emptier without them. Esp Sab, Syl and Jingwen. I'll miss you jingwen :) MUST SEND LETTER TO ME. HAHAHA.

Tonight will be a break :) Tomorrow I will start studying.


In the meantime, happy birthday to you :)

I hate the times when we feel tired and when we feel like we should just give up. I think today is a sad day.The atmosphere in class and the feelings of the people aroud me were all like waves, they go up and down up and down. As the time and days ticked past bit by bit, as the questions fly all over the place, probing and killing me as though it was a dagger, when stares and words hurts and seem nonchalant on your part, I start to wonder where why and how. I fail to see things from that side of the greenery.

render me helpless



www.givesmehope.com :) made me feel better tonight.

I feel like I'm procrastinating against work cause I've been on the com for close to an hour today finding some stuff :/ shizz.

What do dreams represent?

hello math.

quote of the day: "we should just all marry math" by rachel.
math geeks D:

run run run away.

Last week in class, we learnt that fairytales do exist. But the beautiful image of all these fairytales got shattered, because what it seems like is actually all grim and sad. I'm studying alot more recently, go chuan.

 "You are beautiful :)  " Operationbeautiful.com


Today was a pretty good day :) YouthMediationDebate in the morning, lunch at newyorknewyork with mummy. Went for massage for my horrendous back. and went to cut my hair :) Now i'm just slacking cause I don't feel like doing work. I shall rest. HAHAHA. iHope went well thank God :) Thank you everyone who came down to support, be it for the people or whatsoever :)

chuanling will study hard. lets go.

iHope tomorrow @ 7pm-9pm.
Nexus Auditorium, Cuppage Plaza (Behind Orchard Point)
in support of HOPE CENTRE.

Do try to come.

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." - James Earl Jones

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams." - Ashley Smith

Try harder.

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Last night, I woke up, or maybe i never slept, with a nightmare so bad that it left me crying non stop for close to half an hour. I don't know what made me start, what made me stop, all I know was that it all felt so surreal this morning when I woke up, it all felt tired with my eyes swollen and my body tired.

sometimes you can't tell the difference when sweat and tears blend together to form a fusion of tiredness.


I'm glad tomorow is a holiday. I feel like just resting and home and slacking and not doing anything. But there's LA presentation to do, IH assignment, Chinese SIA, and a little bit more. Sigh. This week had felt tiring although I've been sleeping well and nto having alot on my hands. But its okay, i think im going out with wenting to study : ) and movie : )

i need to run more,
run faster,
run run run.

It was pure darkness,
and the other end of the line took a longer time than normal to ring,
the silence brought about swirled with the dark,
couldn't help but make me wonder if at that point,
was i alone without you.

so many people so many of them. won't you break free?